


that’s the queso

by milkandaliens



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied Sexual Content, Inappropriate Humor, LITERALLY, M/M, Pure Crack, have i mentioned this is a crack fic, it's just 127 the others are only mentioned, jungwoo is a weeb, jungwoo-centric, like serious crack that my mom would be worried, lots of dirty stuff, nomin make a cameo, other than jaeyong the other ships are only implied, really just crack, taeyong cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 09:33:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16637387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkandaliens/pseuds/milkandaliens
Summary: jungwoo thinks being put in 127 isn’t so bad because finally he is Employed. he doesn’t have to clean the toilets in the sm building for money anymore. but the first thing the 127 members tell him is“keep jaehyun away from cheese.”jungwoo never knew why, never knew the the ugly truth behind it.(obviously inspired by jaehyun’s /misheard/ line in regular eng ver)





	that’s the queso

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 4am... there may be some stuff in here that people might find gross or offensive so read at your own risk! nothing in here should be taken seriously. lastly, i would like to apologize for what you’re about to read.

“keep jaehyun away from cheese.”

everyone had been saying this to jungwoo ever since he joined 127 but he never knew why. he thought tolerating lucas’ crackhead behaviour was a headache already but he was proven wrong. jungwoo also never understood taeyong’s hatred toward cheese. it was almost as if he felt insecure with the dairy product. but... why? jungwoo wanted to question it but he was too afraid of being labeled as nosy by the leader.

jungwoo did wonder if jaeyong (which was jaehyun x taeyong, by the way, courtesy of haechan explaining it to him) being the power couple of nct 127 had anything to do with cheese.

“don’t worry, jungwoo hyung. taeyong hyung is just lack toes intolerant,” mark had told him.

“why was jaehyun hyung whining at taeyong hyung the other day at 4am, saying that he just wants some milk?”

“jungwoo hyung, you know it’s a different kind of milk that jaehyun hyung was asking from taeyong hyung,” haechan said, a playful smile on his face as he patted the older boy’s shoulder.

“wig... who would’ve thought that he was a sub?” mark wondered aloud.

“what?” jungwoo turned to face mark.

“he said jaehyun hyung loves subway. you know, uh, typical american stuff... or something,” haechan muttered the last part under his breath.

“no, i meant the ‘wig’ part.”

mark’s and haechan’s shoulders sagged out of relief. neither knew they were even tense in the first place.

“it’s a slang of some sort that lucas taught me.”

one day, jeno and jaemin dropped by their dorm.

“hey, jungwoo hyung!” jaemin greeted him. “we brought a little something for the 127 hyungs.”

jeno beamed as he handed jungwoo a big aqua coloured tupperware. “it’s cheese.”

mark and haechan came from behind jungwoo, peering over his shoulder with curious eyes. when they heard it was cheese, mark snorted while haechan snickered. jungwoo was puzzled.

“nana, how many times do i have to tell you?” haechan started. “stop mixing jisung’s and chenle’s boogers and then distributing it to the whole of sm under the guise of cheese.”

“oh, it’s not just the two of them. this time, renjun contributed to the cheese as well,” jaemin said proudly.

“WHAT?!”

“relacks, jungwoo hyung. haechan was just joking,” jeno said.

“damn right, i was,” haechan said and took the container from jeno. “thanks anyway, guys.”

the dreamies duo left with a “don’t mess with jungwoo hyung too much!”

jungwoo didn’t miss their hands that were connected, fingers intertwined as they swung their arms back and forth, happily walking back to the elevator together.

“so, what’s the plan?” mark asked after the older boy closed and locked the door behind him.

“what plan?”

“to hide the cheese from jaehyun hyung, duh,” haechan replied with a roll of his eyes before gesturing to the container in his hand.

oh, right. keep jaehyun away from cheese. jungwoo remembered what the members told him when he joined 127.

“i don’t know. if we were supposed to keep jaehyun hyung away from cheese, the dreamies should’ve known this as well. they shouldn’t be giving us cheese.”

mark was silent.

“why do we need to keep him away from cheese, anyway?” jungwoo finally questioned. it was like they all knew something that he didn’t, and he hated being kept in the dark. however, neither mark nor haechan answered him.

“whatever,” haechan said instead. “let’s just keep this in the fridge,” he suggested.

“you know that’s not hiding it from jaehyun hyung, right?”

“who cares, hyung? it’s not gonna be our problem,” the youngest member said with a smirk.

jungwoo shot a concerned look at mark but the latter only shrugged. the two of them left him in the hallway to keep the cheese, not before doing their infamous handshake and haechan pecking mark on the cheek. jungwoo only sighed and went back into doyoung’s room to continue painting the older boy’s toenails.

(doyoung had asked to spend some quality time with him for the day off. “we need to bond so we can be closer and have a greater friendship,” he had told jungwoo as if they weren’t close enough and weren’t literally in another unit together. heck, during boss promotions, jungwoo even let doyoung pick out which underwear he would be wearing for the stage they had that day.

anyway, jungwoo was a little bit concerned because he thought by ‘bonding time’, doyoung had meant sucking each other’s toes or something. but fortunately today, the older boy had only asked jungwoo to paint his nails and also toenails black like some emo lesbian. does doyoung think he’s kaneki ken or something?)

jungwoo was startled awake at 3am that night. there was an earthquake and the sky was crashing down. he sat upright and did the first thing on his mind; take with him all the precious possessions he had. and that was his _kisei kanojo sana - parasistence sana_ manga from under his pillow, leaving his iphone x behind on his nightstand.

jungwoo was already prepared to run when he realized something. oh, it was just his roommate johnny snoring.

he placed the manga neatly under his pillow again.

jungwoo rubbed at his eyes. he was still sleepy but there was no way he could fall back asleep with a throat drier than the sahara desert. and so, he climbed out of bed to grab a cold drink. he begrudgingly made his way into the kitchen in the dark, dragging his feet. jungwoo was thankful that taeil had swept the floor yesterday; dirtying the pink hello kitty socks that kun had gifted him last year wasn’t quite ideal.

(the video where the lucky three celebrated jungwoo’s birthday together during their smrookies days didn’t make it to twitter. lucas wouldn’t stop shouting “OWO WHAT’S THIS!!!! IS KUN GE SECRETLY A FURRY??” when jungwoo unwrapped kun’s present. kun ended up beating lucas up that jungwoo was quite worried lucas wouldn’t be alive to make his debut.

the cameraman had everything on camera and didn’t even bother to stop them. we all know sm doesn’t tolerate violence so they deleted the video :( moral of the story: never call your friend a furry.)

jungwoo searched the wall for the kitchen light switch with bleary eyes. that was when he heard grunting. and panting? and maybe a little bit of... _moaning_? there was a variety of noises coming from the dark kitchen and jungwoo’s heart dropped. he started to panic. he quickly retracted his hand from the wall.

jungwoo was wide awake now and he noticed something; the kitchen was mostly dark save for a little bit of light which he assumed came from the fridge. it was 3am. it was still too early/too late for his brain cells to put all the pieces together. jungwoo couldn’t tell what was going on.

he had second thoughts on going into the kitchen to grab a cold drink. he looked back to the dark hallway, the door to his room, and then to the kitchen. fuck this, his mama ain’t raise no pussy ass bitch. jungwoo decided to investigate the sounds that were coming from the kitchen.

upon entering said place, jungwoo’s jaw dropped. everything dropped. he could feel his heart drop, his stomach drop, and he also felt as if the whole building came crashing down on him. what he saw was beyond a nightmare. it was worse than seeing lucas pick his nose and then swiping his finger on mark’s shirt.

at this point, he would rather have sleep paralysis and hear lucas sing ‘my lady’ over and over again than to see the sight he was seeing in the kitchen in the dorm of nct 127. if jungwoo were honest, he would willingly switch places with kun and ten to stay in the sm dungeon than having to witness this in his life.

there in the dark kitchen, jaehyun had his peepee buried deep in the container of cheese that jeno and jaemin had given them that afternoon. that explained the grunting noises coming from the room. but science can never explain as to why one would choose to do the do with cheese. so this was the reason why everyone told him to keep jaehyun away from cheese, huh?

“h-hyung?”

jaehyun halted his movements. “jungwoo?” he panted, peepee still buried in the poor cheese. “what are you doing up this late?”

jung jaehyun had the odd ass city to question what jungwoo was doing up this late when he was fucking with cheese?! jungwoo guessed it really do be like that sometimes.

“i- what are YOU doing, hyung? do you know what you’re doing is wrong!!!”

“jungwoo, i... i’m in love with cheese-chan...”

“YES AND THAT IS SO WRONG, JAEHYUN HYUNG.”

“love knows no boundaries, jungwoo. don’t look down on me.”

“MAYBE YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD TAEYONG HYUNG THAT? INSTEAD OF CHEATING ON HIM LIKE THIS!! OUR LEADER DOESN’T DESERVE THIS DISRESPECT, HYUNG!! >:( WHY DID YOU KEEP LEADING HIM ON WHEN YOU HAD ANOTHER THING IN MIND??” jungwoo knew he was being overly emotional and he could feel tears prickling at his eyes.

“be quiet, don’t cry. it was supposed to be a secret–”

“SO YOU’RE GONNA HURT TAEYONG HYUNG LIKE THIS??? i can’t stand to... to keep this a secret. i’m sorry. if you’re not gonna be honest with him, then i will,” he turned his back to the older member and started to walk away. he couldn’t believe this was happening to taeyong. their leader was a kindhearted person who put everyone else above himself.

taeyong hyung didn’t deserve this!!1!!1 jungwoo only wanted the best for taeyong :(

“jungwoo? jungwoo, wait! where are you going?”

“waking up doyoung hyung so that he can tell taeyong hyung and i get to see drama.”

“wait! i promise i’ll tell taeyong hyung tomorrow.”

jungwoo stopped in his tracks and looked back at jaehyun. “promise?”

“promise.”

and then, jaehyun came on the cheese with one last grunt, placed the lid back on the container and returned it to where he found it in the fridge because jung jaehyun is a very responsible man. he pulled up his pants and then they both went back into their respective rooms.

the next morning, jaehyun called the whole of 127 into the living room to discuss a serious matter.

“i have something to confess,” jaehyun started the meeting. he looked at the nine members sitting on the huge ass sofa in the room. he was the only one standing, facing them.

“what, that you actually lived in america for five years and not four?” johnny said.

“no, the fuck. let me confess something.”

“shut up, jaehyun. we all already know you love taeyong hyung,” yuta said.

taeyong blushed like a schoolgirl and taeil elbowed him in the rib.

“about that...” jaehyun trailed off. he looked at jungwoo and the latter nodded, urging him to continue.

“come on, jae,” winwin spoke up from where he was held flush against yuta’s chest. he seemed like he wasn’t in the best mood at the moment, a scowl on his face and eyes still droopy. “just get this over with, i want to go back to sleep.”

jaehyun cleared his throat. “yeoreobun,” he said grimly. “i’ve been fucking with the cheese, that’s the queso.”

everyone gasped. no, that was just taeyong. it seemed like everyone been knew except for poor taeyong... oh no :((

“jae...?” hurt was evident in his voice.

this was the biggest betrayal jungwoo had seen in his life. bigger than any of those that he had seen in all the anime he spent his free time watching. this betrayal was worse than when reiner, bert and annie betrayed marco in shingeki no kyojin. or when kaneki decided to join aogiri tree.

what jaehyun did to taeyong was definitely going under top 10 anime betrayals.

this is why boku no pico is jungwoo’s favourite anime. who cares about what people say? at least jungwoo wasn’t a furry like johnny or jisung. or liked to grind on minions like yuta. or... liked fucking with cheese like jaehyun. jungwoo would like to believe that he was the most sane and rational member of nct and he took pride in it.

“peaches...” taeyong called jaehyun again, this time by his petname or whatever. “how could you do this to me? you told me you’ve changed. you _promised_ me you would change! BUT YOU DIDN’T!!! ALL MEN DO IS LIE!!!1!1” tears were starting to well up in the leader’s eyes.

jaehyun, being the coward that he is, only looked down. “i’m sorry, hyung.”

jungwoo felt someone nudge him so he tore his gaze away from the drama. it was haechan.

“want some?” the younger boy offered him popcorn. jungwoo didn’t know where he got the snack from but he grabbed a fistful of it nonetheless with a small ‘thanks’.

“how could you?! i trusted you! i thought what we had was special, jaehyun! so you’re saying that... all of this, us, we–” taeyong gestured to him and jaehyun, “–this... meant nothing to you?! all the things you said to me meant nothing to you??? all that we’ve been through together!!! MEANT?? NOTHING??? TO YOU???” his voice was starting to increase in volume and his tears were enough to drown all of nct, xiaojun, hendery and yangyang included.

taeil and yuta quickly went to calm him down, rubbing his back. johnny continued sipping his tea. mark and haechan were still offering jungwoo their popcorn. winwin only yawned.

doyoung went up to jaehyun and grabbed him by the collar, black nail polish shining under the rays of morning sunlight flooding through the window. “you asshole. you knew your heart still belonged to cheese-chan and yet you still did this? you played with taeyong hyung’s feelings. look, you even made him cry. are you happy now? this is what you wanted, right?” he spat angrily. doyoung let go of jaehyun’s shirt and stormed out of the living room.

jaehyun was still quiet, avoiding eye contact with everyone especially taeyong.

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry, taeyong hyung. i guess this is where it ends.”

taeyong wiped his tears away with the handkerchief that taeil gave him. it was actually winwin’s underwear.

“well, it was nice while it lasted. thanks for everything, jung jaehyun. i hope you’re happy with cheese-chan now that i’m not holding you back anymore. i’m sorry for being a nuisance.”

“no, don’t say that, taeyong hyung,” jaehyun finally looked up. “it was never your fault. it was me. this is the last time i’ll say this... i love you, hyung. goodbye.”

taeyong sobbed harder.

“this is so sad, alexa play billionaire by markhyuck,” johnny said.

haechan handed the popcorn to jungwoo before stepping out with mark to perform billionaire for the crying taeyong while jaehyun disappeared into the kitchen to find for more cheese.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> nobody say a word about the boku no pico part pls i’m not tryna get arrested.


End file.
